Well, it's been a SUCKY couple of days. Long story short, John and I broke up because we both want each other to be happy. We are still friends and talk all the time. Counter-intuitive, but that's kinda how we roll.
Ok, I don't really want to dwell on that, so TINY HOUSE TIME!
I've designed an 9'x15' house that would not be able to go on a trailer due to width restrictions, so I am thinking that if I decide to go with that house that I would buy some land, and build it on a foundation. On one hand, it kind of negates a major plus of having a tiny house (portability), but on the other hand, I can build it more sustainably (weight not being an issue) and I can garden and raise some livestock, and I really like that idea. Also, having a more permanent home means having a higher likelihood of getting a job in the school district.
On the negative side of this coin, it would cost more money to start, and WAY more time. I could potentially purchase a tiny house and plop it down somewhere within the next year or so (maybe). There are still things to think about, for sure. I'm leaning toward the getting land option, but I've still got plenty of time.
I've finally started working on getting my teaching license transferred to Kansas, so I should be able to sub soon. For now, babysitting, and going through all of my stuff in the garage so that mom might be able to park inside this winter. So far, no dice.
Oh, also, I'm gangbusting ahead with the fencing club. I'll be on the board soon (I think) and we're working on marketing and curriculum.
So, I guess that's all for now. I'll try to post after I've volunteered at the Water Fair on Saturday.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Deep, Thinky Thoughts
The last week has been pretty full to the brim of lots and lots of thought. I've been thinking about the tiny house, my future job, kids, relationships, locations, and how I want to be remembered after I die. Like I said, lots and lots of thought.
It started last Friday. While I was hanging out with my friend Jordan, he told me about an interview for a job that he didn't feel excited about, but he still wanted it. I asked him why he would pursue something that he wasn't passionate about? Through a much longer explanation, it basically came out that it was the "grown up" thing to do. Which, of course, started my thought-cycle off and going, with me barely holding on to the handlebars.
Is building a tiny house another way for me to avoid "growing up?" Is it really reasonable to expect to be able to move every couple of years and still have a "grown up" job? While I was talking to him, he said that subbing was a job for people who were either looking for full time work or people who were retired. What does it say about me that I have been thinking about just being a sub?
So, after wrestling with this most of the weekend, during which I played at a haunted corn maze, and spent time with the boyfriend that I would like to grow old with, but can't, I came home and my dad started the cycle going again. We were discussing something about ages of things, and dad looked shocked that I am turning 27 this year. He said, "oh wow! You really do need to grow up." Now, I'm pretty sure that it came out completely wrong because if you know my dad, then you know he's really not the most eloquent of guys, and occasionally he forgets to think before he speaks. But whether or not he meant it to sound that harsh, it did. Then he told me that I need to figure out what I want to do with my life so that I can start budgeting toward it. Sound advice, except for one thing. I don't know what I want to do with "the rest of my life." I'm not a prior planner. I make snap decisions, and I fly by the seat of my pants. This is part of me. For instance, my decision to eventually build a tiny house. I didn't do the research and then decide. I decided and then did the research to figure out how to do it. That's just the way I am.
Then, there's the babies. I am at the age when all of my friends start having babies. Two friends have had babies in the last six months, and two more friends, plus my sister-in-law are pregnant now. There is a lot of "baby talk" going around lately, which started the cycle once more.
John, whom I love with all of my heart and never want to be away from, has two kids. He does not want any more. In fact, he has had a vasectomy to ensure that no more kids can happen. Being 42, I guess it's understandable. The kid raising part of his life is done. But. I'm not sure about the kid raising part of mine.
When I was younger, I always wanted to be a mom. In high school, I would say that I didn't want to get married but I wanted kids (my parent's marriage was going through a rough time when I was in high school). Up until recently I always figured that I would go to the sperm bank if I turned 30 and hadn't met someone that I wanted to have kids with. There's the rub. I wanted (maybe want) to have kids with John. But it's not going to happen. So, do I give up on the biggest, best love I've ever had, or do I give up on kids. And, obviously, it's not quite so black and white. There are so many extenuating circumstances with us that it'd make your head spin. But, this is how it feels to me.
Everyone's been pushing me this way and that way about finding a job, "using my talent," being a grown up, having kids or not having kids. It's incredibly overwhelming. I just feel broken today.
It started last Friday. While I was hanging out with my friend Jordan, he told me about an interview for a job that he didn't feel excited about, but he still wanted it. I asked him why he would pursue something that he wasn't passionate about? Through a much longer explanation, it basically came out that it was the "grown up" thing to do. Which, of course, started my thought-cycle off and going, with me barely holding on to the handlebars.
Is building a tiny house another way for me to avoid "growing up?" Is it really reasonable to expect to be able to move every couple of years and still have a "grown up" job? While I was talking to him, he said that subbing was a job for people who were either looking for full time work or people who were retired. What does it say about me that I have been thinking about just being a sub?
So, after wrestling with this most of the weekend, during which I played at a haunted corn maze, and spent time with the boyfriend that I would like to grow old with, but can't, I came home and my dad started the cycle going again. We were discussing something about ages of things, and dad looked shocked that I am turning 27 this year. He said, "oh wow! You really do need to grow up." Now, I'm pretty sure that it came out completely wrong because if you know my dad, then you know he's really not the most eloquent of guys, and occasionally he forgets to think before he speaks. But whether or not he meant it to sound that harsh, it did. Then he told me that I need to figure out what I want to do with my life so that I can start budgeting toward it. Sound advice, except for one thing. I don't know what I want to do with "the rest of my life." I'm not a prior planner. I make snap decisions, and I fly by the seat of my pants. This is part of me. For instance, my decision to eventually build a tiny house. I didn't do the research and then decide. I decided and then did the research to figure out how to do it. That's just the way I am.
Then, there's the babies. I am at the age when all of my friends start having babies. Two friends have had babies in the last six months, and two more friends, plus my sister-in-law are pregnant now. There is a lot of "baby talk" going around lately, which started the cycle once more.
John, whom I love with all of my heart and never want to be away from, has two kids. He does not want any more. In fact, he has had a vasectomy to ensure that no more kids can happen. Being 42, I guess it's understandable. The kid raising part of his life is done. But. I'm not sure about the kid raising part of mine.
When I was younger, I always wanted to be a mom. In high school, I would say that I didn't want to get married but I wanted kids (my parent's marriage was going through a rough time when I was in high school). Up until recently I always figured that I would go to the sperm bank if I turned 30 and hadn't met someone that I wanted to have kids with. There's the rub. I wanted (maybe want) to have kids with John. But it's not going to happen. So, do I give up on the biggest, best love I've ever had, or do I give up on kids. And, obviously, it's not quite so black and white. There are so many extenuating circumstances with us that it'd make your head spin. But, this is how it feels to me.
Everyone's been pushing me this way and that way about finding a job, "using my talent," being a grown up, having kids or not having kids. It's incredibly overwhelming. I just feel broken today.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Searching For The Little Things
This morning, I could not find my car keys. Anywhere. My mom and I combed the house three or four times over looking for them. I even had John, the key finder extraordinaire, on the phone, telling me where I should look. Of course, I do have a spare set of keys, but you might be able to guess where they are. That's right, they're in the car. After thirty minutes, my mom finally calls "Sary, come see what I found!" (she was very pleased with herself). There, in the laundry room, in front of the washer, were my car keys. They were underneath some towels that I had probably tripped on when I switched the laundry the night before.
I mentioned to my mom a couple of weeks ago that if I had a tiny house, I wouldn't have to spend so much time looking for my keys, because there would be fewer places for them to hide (she didn't believe me, but I guess that's okay). I think this is also true of "tiny pleasures."
Tammy Strobel (www.rowdykittens.com) prompted her readers to take a few minutes to write down the little things that make them happy, or "tiny pleasures." I really believe that this is one of the major reasons I want to live in a tiny house, so that my "tiny pleasures" will have fewer places to hide. So, in an effort to locate a few tiny pleasures, I will enumerate them here for you.
(Disclaimer: These are in no particular order)
1. I love to play music. Especially when I don't NEED to play. If it's just for me, and no one is around to hear, I'll sit down to play piano, or guitar, or sing opera at the top of my lungs.
2. I love to hang out with my dog. Right now, she's snoring away on top of a newspaper and a bag from Jo-Ann's with her head on my foot. She's so funny, and just comforting to be around.
3. I love finishing projects. Starting is daunting, the middle is boring, but when you're done, it's amazing.
4. I love the smell of clean laundry. I like to put my arms in the middle of the warm pile of clothes straight from the dryer and feel the heat and smell the clean.
5. I like to browse the fabric stores. I feel so zen in the middle of the racks. I always feel good afterwards, especially if I didn't buy anything, because then I didn't have to wait in any lines, which I DON'T like.
6. I like doing the crossword puzzle in the mornings. I'll have a cup of coffee, maybe a bowl of cereal, and enjoy a nice slow morning.
7. I like to clean. Dusting, sweeping, cleaning the sinks, washing the mirrors, and cleaning the toilet. The only thing I don't like to do is the dishes. This will come as a shock to my family, but it's really only happened since I started making my own natural cleaning products.
8. I like to plant things. I don't necessarily do real well at the maintaining of plants, but I like to start them.
9. I like to draw. I am actually pretty good, if I do say so myself, though most of my drawings are costumes that I need to make for other people.
10. I like researching and planning (hence all the talk on here of the tiny house for which I won't be ready for a long time). I actually will plan trips that I know I'll never take, though I usually think I will at the time, just for fun.
There ya go. Ten tiny pleasures. And they are almost all things that I can do every day.
I mentioned to my mom a couple of weeks ago that if I had a tiny house, I wouldn't have to spend so much time looking for my keys, because there would be fewer places for them to hide (she didn't believe me, but I guess that's okay). I think this is also true of "tiny pleasures."
Tammy Strobel (www.rowdykittens.com) prompted her readers to take a few minutes to write down the little things that make them happy, or "tiny pleasures." I really believe that this is one of the major reasons I want to live in a tiny house, so that my "tiny pleasures" will have fewer places to hide. So, in an effort to locate a few tiny pleasures, I will enumerate them here for you.
(Disclaimer: These are in no particular order)
1. I love to play music. Especially when I don't NEED to play. If it's just for me, and no one is around to hear, I'll sit down to play piano, or guitar, or sing opera at the top of my lungs.
2. I love to hang out with my dog. Right now, she's snoring away on top of a newspaper and a bag from Jo-Ann's with her head on my foot. She's so funny, and just comforting to be around.
3. I love finishing projects. Starting is daunting, the middle is boring, but when you're done, it's amazing.
4. I love the smell of clean laundry. I like to put my arms in the middle of the warm pile of clothes straight from the dryer and feel the heat and smell the clean.
5. I like to browse the fabric stores. I feel so zen in the middle of the racks. I always feel good afterwards, especially if I didn't buy anything, because then I didn't have to wait in any lines, which I DON'T like.
6. I like doing the crossword puzzle in the mornings. I'll have a cup of coffee, maybe a bowl of cereal, and enjoy a nice slow morning.
7. I like to clean. Dusting, sweeping, cleaning the sinks, washing the mirrors, and cleaning the toilet. The only thing I don't like to do is the dishes. This will come as a shock to my family, but it's really only happened since I started making my own natural cleaning products.
8. I like to plant things. I don't necessarily do real well at the maintaining of plants, but I like to start them.
9. I like to draw. I am actually pretty good, if I do say so myself, though most of my drawings are costumes that I need to make for other people.
10. I like researching and planning (hence all the talk on here of the tiny house for which I won't be ready for a long time). I actually will plan trips that I know I'll never take, though I usually think I will at the time, just for fun.
There ya go. Ten tiny pleasures. And they are almost all things that I can do every day.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Productivity
Productivity is the bane of my existence. Some days, I can be uber productive, getting things done right and left. Sunday was one of those days. I got up early and ran another 5k, beat my last time by 3 minutes! I think I probably could have done even better but the hills on the course were kicking my butt! However, I did end up placing 55th in my age group, which is a heck of a lot better than dead last (thank goodness I'm 26 now). Then, after watching my sister finish the 10 mile run, I went to church, went to a meeting, turned in paperwork so that I can work at the church daycare, and then later that day, went to bell rehearsal and ran choir rehearsal! See, productive!
So if some days, I am uber productive, conversely, some days I am not. Monday, I laid in bed most of the day. I wasn't sick. I wasn't that sore. I just didn't want to do anything. I may have let my medication lapse a little (don't be mad, John!), so, getting back to it has helped a lot.
Today, I got up and had Dad help me put my bed frame together. I haven't slept on a bed with a frame in probably 3 years. It looks a little more grown-up being actually above the floor. Then we had Papa Pancakes, and afterwards Dad and I got some things at the hardware store to finish up projects. I worked around the house a little, and then took a whole bunch of stuff to the thrift store and the library to be donated.
I've really been trying to downsize the amount of stuff I own. I went through my closet and got rid of a couple of skirts and some shirts and dresses. I went through my boxes of books and pulled out a lot to go to the public library. I've even made a resolution to not buy any more fabric until I've gone through my stash to be sure I don't have something that would work. I'd like to be down to a manageable amount of fabric by the time I'm ready to move into my apartment.
Oh yeah, not sure if I've talked about this yet, but I've decided that while I'm saving up for my tiny house, and finishing school here, I'm going to move back into the apartment complex that I lived in 4 years ago. The complex had a lot of two bedroom apartments, and they decided to split the two bedrooms into two studios. So, one side has the two bedrooms and they turned one into the kitchen, and the other side has the kitchen and living room (and the fireplace). I lived on the bedroom side before and it was designed very awkwardly, but still do-able. I'd much rather have the fireplace, though!
On a different topic, my mom and I talked about why she was pushing me so hard to get a job, and not get a tiny house. She says that she's concerned that I'll be wasting my musical talent if I don't stay in one place all the time (that's not really how she said it, but that's kinda what I got from it). I guess I'm kind of concerned about that, too. Not that I won't have music in my life, but that I'll have spent so much money on under grad and then graduate school and I won't do anything with my degrees. On the other hand, it's so stressful for me to think about staying in one place forever, and schools don't tend to hire people who move every other year.
Since this is the semester of searching, I guess this is just something else I'll have to ponder.
So if some days, I am uber productive, conversely, some days I am not. Monday, I laid in bed most of the day. I wasn't sick. I wasn't that sore. I just didn't want to do anything. I may have let my medication lapse a little (don't be mad, John!), so, getting back to it has helped a lot.
Today, I got up and had Dad help me put my bed frame together. I haven't slept on a bed with a frame in probably 3 years. It looks a little more grown-up being actually above the floor. Then we had Papa Pancakes, and afterwards Dad and I got some things at the hardware store to finish up projects. I worked around the house a little, and then took a whole bunch of stuff to the thrift store and the library to be donated.
I've really been trying to downsize the amount of stuff I own. I went through my closet and got rid of a couple of skirts and some shirts and dresses. I went through my boxes of books and pulled out a lot to go to the public library. I've even made a resolution to not buy any more fabric until I've gone through my stash to be sure I don't have something that would work. I'd like to be down to a manageable amount of fabric by the time I'm ready to move into my apartment.
Oh yeah, not sure if I've talked about this yet, but I've decided that while I'm saving up for my tiny house, and finishing school here, I'm going to move back into the apartment complex that I lived in 4 years ago. The complex had a lot of two bedroom apartments, and they decided to split the two bedrooms into two studios. So, one side has the two bedrooms and they turned one into the kitchen, and the other side has the kitchen and living room (and the fireplace). I lived on the bedroom side before and it was designed very awkwardly, but still do-able. I'd much rather have the fireplace, though!
On a different topic, my mom and I talked about why she was pushing me so hard to get a job, and not get a tiny house. She says that she's concerned that I'll be wasting my musical talent if I don't stay in one place all the time (that's not really how she said it, but that's kinda what I got from it). I guess I'm kind of concerned about that, too. Not that I won't have music in my life, but that I'll have spent so much money on under grad and then graduate school and I won't do anything with my degrees. On the other hand, it's so stressful for me to think about staying in one place forever, and schools don't tend to hire people who move every other year.
Since this is the semester of searching, I guess this is just something else I'll have to ponder.
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