I am not any "job." If the job is no longer an option, I will find another. I am worth more than any "job." All that losing a job means for me is an opening of the horizon. If I no longer have a job, I can choose to make whatever changes I want.
No, I didn't get fired (I don't think). About 5 years ago, I was working at a day care in Kansas City. I had a BAD DAY. I almost quit at lunch that day. I later wished I had. There was an incident with a parent, and when I let my bosses know what was going on, they said, "don't worry, don't take it so personally, it'll be ok." 20 minutes later, I was called into the office and fired with no explanation. I think that they had been looking for a way to fire me, because I had been upfront with them about wanting to move. Whatever their reason, I am still profoundly affected by their actions. Any time I have a conversation with my boss, I start having panic attacks that I will be fired, regardless of whether or not anything bad has happened. If, however, I have recently had a bad day, the panic increases exponentially. I hate that I panic and start crying in front of my bosses. I have always had a problem with feeling the need to be perfect. If I am not perfect at something, I either shut down, or panic. If it's not important, I shut down. If it is important, I panic, cry, obsess, and generally make myself crazy.
I had a bad day at work the other day. I ended up talking with multiple bosses, and everything was resolved (I think). I even had better days afterwards. But, an off-hand question from one of my bosses over the phone this morning has started the panic cycle over again.
I keep telling myself that it's probably nothing; that even if I am fired, I can use it as an opportunity; that it's not the end of the world. I'm not sure, however, if I can make myself believe it.
...
On a completely different topic, I had a dream last night about my tiny house. I had built a bedroom into the back of a school bus. It was awesome, and I was so happy to have it! Then I ran around a school, and ate paper. It was a bit of a weird dream.
I'd like to go back to school to finish my Master's Degree, so that it doesn't become another thing I "almost" did. I'd like to stick around the midwest for another year to facilitate this. But, if I have to leave Kansas earlier than expected, I can still finish my degree. I'd like to go to Seattle, at least for a while. Maybe I'll go somewhere else after that.
It's the gypsy life for me, I think.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Documenta-thon
Ok, so I have a bit of an obsession with documentary films. I love learning and movies, so documentaries are awesome.
I'm currently on documentary 2 of 3 tonight. I heard something about a sporting event, but didn't really feel like watching it. Added bonus of not being bombarded by commercialism in fun forms. At least I had a beer?
What I want to talk about is the second doc. American Teacher was awesome. I'm not sure if it was encouraging or discouraging about being a teacher. It talks about the benefit of good teachers, the problems with teacher compensation, and the way that our society treats teachers. The movie claims that teachers are not valued in society, which I don't know if I agree with completely. Yes, looking about how much money teachers make, one could say that we are not highly valued, but I think the issue is more that we are taken for granted. Add Fox News into that equation, and you get a big mess, but frankly, if you add Fox (faux) News into any equation, you'll get a big mess. [I can say what I want, it's my blog.]
It was definitely a thought provoking film, highlighting the fact that society's expectations of teachers have increased, but the compensation has not increased by anywhere near a comparable amount. The film says that teaching is still seen as a secondary income, and not a particularly necessary one at that. A lot of the movie focuses on the fact that teachers have a hard time making a "decent living."
I definitely had flashes to my intended life style, but I don't think that tiny living should be mandatory for people who want to be teachers, but it really seems that way. So many teachers have second jobs, either tutoring, after school help, coaching, or even just working outside the education system, just to make ends meet. I met a teacher when I was working at the sandwich shop in Mt. Vernon who told me that she has to take on a job in the summer. That feels like a crappy way to reward the people who help our children to succeed in life. One of the statistics mentioned was that a good teacher can help a student earn $20,000 more in their lifetime than an average teacher. If that teacher has only 20 students (a small class), that's $400,000 that the teacher has helped his or her students earn.
Lots for my brain to chew on.
On a completely different topic: my January's Resolutions.
Verdict: :-P Bad, boo, blech. The resolutions were good ideas, my follow-through and willpower was teh suck.
So, for February, I'll be renewing my resolution to write down my three things to accomplish, and moving a little every day. I know I should try to limit my media consumption again, but that one was really hard and came with problems of its own, like missing important emails, and needing to communicate with clients. Also, I was really enjoying a facebook game. ... *chirp chirp*... *COUGH* Well! Ok, maybe I'll try to cut back again.
On another completely different topic (or going back to the original topic), I have a semi permanent gig as a Saturday School teacher (half day, full salary), and I am really enjoying subbing so far. It's exhausting and stressful, but there are moments that make the whole day worth it.
Lastly, and certainly not least (ly), my handsome nephew was born on Friday! He's tiny, and cute, and sweet, and we're very excited for him to be here. He apparently was, too, since he's here a month early! But, he's doing really well, and hopefully won't be in the NICU very long.
I'm currently on documentary 2 of 3 tonight. I heard something about a sporting event, but didn't really feel like watching it. Added bonus of not being bombarded by commercialism in fun forms. At least I had a beer?
What I want to talk about is the second doc. American Teacher was awesome. I'm not sure if it was encouraging or discouraging about being a teacher. It talks about the benefit of good teachers, the problems with teacher compensation, and the way that our society treats teachers. The movie claims that teachers are not valued in society, which I don't know if I agree with completely. Yes, looking about how much money teachers make, one could say that we are not highly valued, but I think the issue is more that we are taken for granted. Add Fox News into that equation, and you get a big mess, but frankly, if you add Fox (faux) News into any equation, you'll get a big mess. [I can say what I want, it's my blog.]
It was definitely a thought provoking film, highlighting the fact that society's expectations of teachers have increased, but the compensation has not increased by anywhere near a comparable amount. The film says that teaching is still seen as a secondary income, and not a particularly necessary one at that. A lot of the movie focuses on the fact that teachers have a hard time making a "decent living."
I definitely had flashes to my intended life style, but I don't think that tiny living should be mandatory for people who want to be teachers, but it really seems that way. So many teachers have second jobs, either tutoring, after school help, coaching, or even just working outside the education system, just to make ends meet. I met a teacher when I was working at the sandwich shop in Mt. Vernon who told me that she has to take on a job in the summer. That feels like a crappy way to reward the people who help our children to succeed in life. One of the statistics mentioned was that a good teacher can help a student earn $20,000 more in their lifetime than an average teacher. If that teacher has only 20 students (a small class), that's $400,000 that the teacher has helped his or her students earn.
Lots for my brain to chew on.
On a completely different topic: my January's Resolutions.
Verdict: :-P Bad, boo, blech. The resolutions were good ideas, my follow-through and willpower was teh suck.
So, for February, I'll be renewing my resolution to write down my three things to accomplish, and moving a little every day. I know I should try to limit my media consumption again, but that one was really hard and came with problems of its own, like missing important emails, and needing to communicate with clients. Also, I was really enjoying a facebook game. ... *chirp chirp*... *COUGH* Well! Ok, maybe I'll try to cut back again.
On another completely different topic (or going back to the original topic), I have a semi permanent gig as a Saturday School teacher (half day, full salary), and I am really enjoying subbing so far. It's exhausting and stressful, but there are moments that make the whole day worth it.
Lastly, and certainly not least (ly), my handsome nephew was born on Friday! He's tiny, and cute, and sweet, and we're very excited for him to be here. He apparently was, too, since he's here a month early! But, he's doing really well, and hopefully won't be in the NICU very long.
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